Ernie (1971)
C
1. You could hear the hoof beats pound as they
raced across the ground,
Am
and the clatter of the wheels as they spun 'round and
'round,
F
and he galloped into
G C
his name was Ernie, and he drove the fastest milk cart in
the West.
C
2. Now Ernie loved a widow, a lady known as
Sue,
Am
she lived all alone in
F
They said
she was too good for him, she was haughty, proud and
chic,
G
C
but Ernie got his cocoa there three times every week.
C Am
They
called him Ernie (Ernie),
F
G C
and he drove the fastest milk cart in the West.
C
3. She said she'd like to bathe in milk, he
said, "All right, sweetheart,"
Am
and when he'd finished work one night he loaded up the cart.
F
He said,
"You want it pasteurized? 'Cause pasteurized
is best,"
G
C
She
says, "Ernie, I'll be happy if it comes up to my chest."
C
Am
That
tickled old Ernie (Ernie),
F G
C
and he drove the fastest milk cart in the West.
(orig.
moves up half a note to capo 1st here)
C
4. Now Ernie had a rival, an evil-looking man,
Am
called Two -Ton Ted from Teddington
and he drove the baker's van.
F
He tempted
her with his treacle tarts and his tasty wholemeal bread,
G
C
and when she seen the size of his hot meat pies it very near turned her head.
C
5. She nearly swooned at his macaroon,and he said",Now If you treat me right,
Am
you'll have hot rolls every morning and crumpets every
night."
F
He knew
once she'd sampled his layer cake he'd have his wicked way,
G C
and all Ernie had to offer was a pint of milk a day.
C Am F G C
Poor
Ernie (Ernie), and he drove the fastest milk cart in
the West.
(orig.
moves up half a note to capo 2nd here)
C
8. One lunch time Ted saw Ernie's horse and
cart outside her door,
Am
it drove him mad to find it was still there at half past
four.
F
And
as he leapt down from his van, hot blood through his veins did course,
G
C
and he went across to Ernie's cart and didn't half kick his 'orse.
C Am
Whose
name was Trigger (Trigger),
F G C
and he pulled the fastest milk cart in the West.
C
9. Now Ernie rushed out into the street with
his gold top in his hand,
Am
he said, "If you want to marry Susie, you'll fight for
her like a man."
F
"Oh, why don't we play cards for her?" he sneeringly replied,
G
C
"And just to make it interesting we'll have a shilling on the side."
C
10. Now Ernie dragged him from his van and
beneath the blazing sun,
Am
they stood there face to face, and Ted went for his bun.
F
But
Ernie was too quick, things didn't go the way Ted
planned,
G C
and a strawberry-flavoured yogurt sent it spinning from his hand.
C
11. Next, Sue, she ran between them and tried
to keep them apart,
Am
and Ernie pushed her aside and a rock cake caught him underneath his heart.
F
And
he looked up in pained surprise as the concrete hardened crust
G C
of a pork pie caught him in the eye and Ernie bit the dust.
C Am F G C
Poor
Ernie (Ernie), and he drove the fastest milk cart in
the West.
C
12. Ernie was only 52, he didn't wanna die,
Am
now he's gone to make deliveries in that milk round in the
sky,
F
where the customers are angels and ferocious dogs are
banned,
G
C
and a milkman's life is full of fun in that fairy dairy land.
C
13. But a woman's needs are many fold and Sue,
she married Ted,
Am
but strange things happened on their wedding night as they
lay in their bed.
F
Was that
the trees a-rustling? Or the hinges of the gate?
G
C
Or Ernie's
ghostly goldtops a-rattling in their crate?
C Am
They won't forget Ernie (Ernie),
F G C
and he drove the fastest milk cart in the West.
(Benny Hill)